Today I heard Elton John’s Crocodile Rock on the radio and it brought back memories of a Friday night in 1973. I cannot recall the experience coming to mind for years, more likely decades.
I had gone out after work with a group of friends to a local bar that probably disappeared years ago in the redevelopment of the area. I have no recollection of the name of the place or the exact location. I don’t remember anything about the night except what happened in the parking lot as I was leaving.
For some reason, it fell to me to take a very drunk coworker home. I didn’t know him well, barely at all. He worked in a different section of my department. I thought of him as a kid. He might have been a couple years younger at a point in life where that a year or two felt like a big difference. I’ll call him Ted because I don’t think I ever knew a Ted and this is about keeping secrets.
He had too much to drink that night. His inebriation made him quiet, almost comatose but left him capable of telling me where he had to go. I hoped. I never found out. As we approached my little VW bug, a big, seventies-style American car screeched to halt across from us. Not in a parking space, but straddling several spots. A woman jumped out of the passenger seat and ran across the parking lot yelling at Ted.
I cannot describe what followed in any detail. I don’t think I ever fully grasped what was going on. It turned out the woman was his mother and she was hysterical. The man who followed her tried to exert a calming influence on his wife but failed. Miserably. I could say that Ted remained calm but I think he just withdrew. I had never witnessed any scene like that one outside of a movie theater.
The last thing I remember was Ted’s mother screaming, running across the parking lot and throwing herself in the air. Like a pole vaulter she got her body into a position parallel to the macadam surface and dropped like a rock to the ground.
I don’t recall leaving but I left. I am sure I was shaken then and months later when I heard Ted had died. I was no longer at that job or living in the area. I cannot remember who gave me the news. My memory says he died in a car crash. A one vehicle accident. Ted might have been drunk. It was at night, so I found it hard to believe he wasn’t. No one said it was suicide but I found it hard to believe it wasn’t.
His death was sad but that is not what breaks my heart when I think of Ted.
When I witnessed the domestic chaos that was his life, my mother had recently died and I was living in one of the largest counties in Pennsylvania, the fifth most populous state in the United States, with my father who had one of the most common surnames in the country. His first name began with R the 18th letter of the alphabet.
What breaks my heart is remembering that when Ted reached me late on Saturday afternoon, he told me he had spent the day calling every Kelly in the Montgomery County phone book starting with the As. He begged me to keep what had happened to myself. He didn’t have to beg. I didn’t plan on telling anyone. And I didn’t. Not when it happened and not when he died.
Yes, I never told the story at work but keeping his secret was never a hard, or noble, effort. We never had mutual friends, only acquaintances. I am no longer in touch with anyone who knew Ted but I still wouldn’t use his real name.
I don’t recall talking about this incident but I worry that I ever said enough that someone could piece Ted’s identity together. Even now, fifty-one years after he died, I worry.
I wonder if I did Ted’s memory a disservice by never explaining to those who probably saw him as a problematic kid just how hard his short life must have been. I couldn’t have witnessed the only chaos in his domestic situation. I knew of one close friend he had at work. He must have known what happened, what was going on. As for me, I didn’t volunteer the information and no one would have asked me. I was only part of his life for a few days.
I have not thought of him in years but today I can’t shake the sadness remembering and hoping that during the little time he had left, he trusted that his secret was safe with me.
© Jane Kelly 2024
