As I've mentioned elsewhere, my mother did not teach me many domestic skills. I don't think she had mastered many to teach, but she made sure she passed as few as possible onto me. I am trying to think of one but basically I am useless around the house.
But why dwell on the negative? Here is what she did teach me.
How to set a table
I might not be able to cook appealing food to serve, but I can set a mean table. My mother wasn’t much of a cook (by choice) but she could entertain.
I scared her once when she returned from some afternoon outing and found the table set for a formal dinner. "Did I forget I invited someone?" No, I just set the table. She had to pull something together for us to eat. I wonder who got stuck with the dishes.
There is little demand for this skill these days but I don’t care. I love a formally set table.
How to travel
Largely because my father, Richard “The Homing Pigeon” Kelly, hated to travel, my mother did not get to as many places as she would have liked. We did a lot of trips to New York (day and weekend), but New York was a short train ride or an easy car ride away. She wanted to make sure I knew how to travel via plane. So, even though DC was also an easy train ride away, when we visited, we flew.
We flew Capital or Capitol Airlines (I need to find the pictures to check spelling) from Philadelphia to Washington’s National Airport (now Reagan). I learned about taxi queues and doormen. Which brings us to another travel category: hotels.
How to behave in a hotel
My mother loved hotels. On our first trip to DC we stayed at the Sheraton Carlton which is currently the St. Regis at 16th and K. Its restaurant was the first place, and maybe the only place, I used finger bowls. On our second trip we moved across K Street to the Statler Hilton. Probably an economy move.
Even on day trips to New York we often ate in hotels. Lunch or tea at the Plaza. Dinner and cocktails at the Waldorf.
When we stayed the weekend, it was often at the Waldorf. Since the Duke and Dichess of Windsor (before all their faults were revealed) lived in the Towers, we had to stay there too. Eventually, my father talked her out of the Towers onto the standard-priced floors and finally into the Taft Hotel which he swore was more convenient to wherever we were going. Probably Broadway.
Her love of hotels rubbed off on her kids. My brother went to Cornell for hotel management. I still am happiest in a hotel. With my family’s encouragement, I noted the number of the first hotel room I ever stayed in: 1410 in the Claridge Hotel in Atlantic City, New Jersey. There is no plaque.
Years later, just before it was renovated, I stayed at the Waldorf. It was like time travel to a very genteel time. I had been in a super-modern Yotel a few nights before. I loved both hotels. I think my mother would have too.
How to manage my finances.
She taught me how to save but not too much or for too long. She would save until she could (with her little companion--me) splurge on a trip or outing. Okay, maybe I should have listened to my father more on this one. He probably wouldn’t have encouraged a woman approaching retirement age to move to another country for a year of graduate school but my mother would have heartily approved.
How to listen.
Mine was one of those mothers who liked to talk to strangers. But she never talked at them. She talked with them. She listened. She might not have gotten to see a lot of new places but she got to meet a lot of new people no matter where she was.
How to think about how other people feel.
She once accused my father of being too nice but I think she was just as kind. I cannot think of a time I saw her be rude or say a cruel thing. Intentionally or unintentionally.
In my opinion, kindness is the most important thing to teach your child - even if she really can’t keep a meticulous house. My mother taught that lesson well.
© 2022 Jane Kelly
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